Tuesday, May 25, 2010

134 4th Avenue - Flagship of The New Fourth Avenue



If you'll recall, a few years ago the city re-zoned the stretch of 4th Avenue that runs through Park Slope / Gowanus. At the time, Marty Markowitz said that 4th Ave would be Brooklyn's "Park Avenue". So I was very excited to see this building go up, one of the first to take advantage of the new 12-story height limit here.

Boy was I disappointed.

I hear through the grapevine that the building was actually designed by an engineer, and just stamped by an architect. This helps to explain the horrific final product, but doesn't make me feel any better about having to look at it. What a terrible start to our Park Avenue. It does nothing right. It looks like a cut-and-fold model of a suburban Ohio branch of the IRS. Assuming that the designer actually made a conscious decision to do somethin' kinda historic-lookin', they didn't even take the tiny step of looking at the rudimentary basics of traditional design, evident if you look pretty much anywhere in the city (hint: check out Park Avenue!). Harmonious proportions? Some kind of cornice? Symmetry? The only thing traditional about it is the piano nobile, which in this application only serves to create a stark, lifeless streetscape, as opposed to elevating and glorifying the building. Fuck you, 134 Fourth Avenue!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

134 St. Marks - a really ugly building



I spent two years watching this building go up. Maaaaaaan was it a disappointment when it was done. I remember, about halfway through it's construction, I asked one of the carpenters about it. His reply was: "It's going to be killer-- it's going to blow every other building on the block out of the water!" Thanks for the warning, hard hat guy. It certainly does suck.

I think the building has two main problems: It tries to do too much, and it tries to do it cheaply. Those metal panels should have been outlawed 20 years ago. They're everywhere, and they never look anything but cheap and flimsy. And what's the deal with the balconies? They're like 12" deep. It would be okay maybe as just French doors, except the balconies are solid, so they don't even give you the feeling of openness that a French door would give. Nor could one use them as a real balcony, for, say, grilling or drinking games. Fuck you, 134 St. Marks!


Here's the first sticker, on it's new home, 900 Metropolitan!

900 Metropolitan Avenue - Ugly Building #1


This building is ugly. And it is a fitting first building for the NYC DUB because it's ugliness is so representative of the new ugliness sweeping the city. There are a million little buildings like this in the five boroughs (well, four boroughs), and they all look so... incomplete. Like they're really just a small part of a giant robot, like Voltron's leg. Alone, they say nothing. There's no harmony, no message, no story. Just some brick and some glass and some metal. Fuck you, 900 Metropolitan!

My Tag


Before we get to the ugly buildings, here's my sticker. This is the mark of Zorro. NYC residents and visitors: if you know of a hideously ugly building that is screaming for recognition, ask me for some stickers, and I'll be happy to provide them to you, free of charge. They're big and glossy and really fun to stick on to building windows late at night!